Our Savior - Now in IMAX 3D!

Like "Toy Story," Jesus is just plain better in 3D.

Gnome More Room!

Oh yes; they laughed when I proposed the Gnome Sterilization Project...

?ytsrihT

Thirsty for some reeb? Reach for a thgiL duB!

Heinous & Andy

The long-term effects of dry leprosy on snowmen.

Helmets & Ducks, Ducks & Helmets

"So...you collect helmets & ducks, you say?"

Yes...They Match.

It's always tasteful to have your indoor lawn furniture match your curtains.

Oh Mother...The Blood! The Blood!

Please tell me that's red paint. Please?

Not Interested...

The very definition of "Prissy Pants."

Dot's Nice

Nice boots. Nice legs. Nice gaystache. All the rest can go.

"It's for You!"

Someone's suffering from elephant buildup.

TV Stand from Hell

How to protect you TV from flooding while still maintaining the wren population.

Stainmaster

Apparently Gramma suffered from Dippity-Do buildup.

From Bad...

From Pottery Barn's Chaos Collection.

...To Worse

The addition of a mirror apparently multiplies ugly geometrically.

Creepshow

"Yessir, ladies and gentlemen; this mirror can make any room look like a horror movie!"

"He's Dead?!?"

If Liberace were reincarnated as a chair.

And matching carpet.

Return of the Plastic Flowers

Ain't nothin' a hunk o' plastic flowers can't perty up.

Mary Had a Little Lamb

I'd like to think the juxtaposing seen here was done for the comedic value, but I'm not putting any money on it.

Guest Room

Gramma don't live here no more...

Hello, Dali!

If Thomas Kinkade and Salvadore Dali had a love child, and it became a crappy painter.

Clown Head

Voted "Most Popular" at Clown College

"Do You See Anything You Rike?"

You have to admire the confidence of someone who decorates their living room to look like the reception room at a Japanese whorehouse.

"Meet Me In My Quarters, Yeoman."

From the Gene Roddenberry collection. I'm sure I saw this in "Mirror, Mirror."

Mother Drank...

...and apparently ran naked through crowds of bald men after lighting her head on fire.

The Horror...The Horror...

Should anyone be buying great-gramma's old vibrator?

Tranny George?

Newly unearthed evidence supporting the claim that George Washington was not only our first president, but also our first cross-dresser.

Projects for Shut-Ins

What could possibly be wrong with…wuh...wait…are those Popsicle sticks? And marbles?!?

Call the Cable Company...

"Honey! The bed's getting bad reception again!"

Have a Lousy Goddam Christmas.

Can it get any more festive???

The Stuff of Nightmares

Howdy Doody, some crack baby, and a vaguely offensive Indian.

Don't Let Gramma Know!

Ah...what a lovely picture of Gramma. Uh...wait a minute...are those cows...HUMPING?!?!?

Why...yes, as a matter of fact they are!

But the Flowers Are Lovely...

An unbeatable combination: food, dinnerware, and a big yellow sewage pipe.

Unresolved Issues

The perils of Continuing Education art classes.

"Hey, Little Kids...Come Into My Tree and I'll Give You Some Cookies..."

Not bad...$140 for the ugliest goddam piece of pottery on the face of the Earth.

Peasant Green

"I don't know, Chin-Li. I woke up this morning and found it in the middle of the rice field."

"Dude - Is That My Sandwich???"

Another inviolate rule of estate sales - remove the couch potato before snapping pictures of the couch. Also...

...No Dagwoods allowed on the furniture.

Ron Jeremy's Draining the Liquor Cabinet!

Sometimes even aging porn stars can look classy...

Never Used (for Stargazing)

Comes with free bottle of baby oil and a washcloth.

Magic Mirror On the Wall...

Two recommendations:

1. Never ever "antique" a mirror, and
   
2. Get the f*cking boxes out of the way before taking the picture!

Burn Vic

"What a lovely antique doll. Let me take a closer look..."

"HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!!"

"Gee Our Old LaSalle Ran Great..."

The plastic flowers just got back from the cleaners...

"I Love You..."

Somebody skinned Barney and turned him into a Barcalounger.

Robot of Doom!

They actually had this monstrosity sitting in their living room. I think it might be what ultimately killed them.

They're Cuckoo!

A lovely scroll work clock, complete with 1988 yearbook picture.

Note the generous cleavage and Alfalfa hairdo:

How?

Nothing celebrates Native American culture better than butt-ugly, plastic covered lamps.